Today marks the end of October. A day that is filled with costumes and candy, but it is also the end of a month overflowing with press conferences, trainings, galas, walks, and vigils to commemorate Domestic Violence Awareness Month. One month of recognition among the many months of causes and awareness does not mean the impact of the pandemic of domestic violence is not there the other eleven months. Those of us that work in this field understand that domestic violence is a 24/7/365 problem. While we appreciate the time, attention and funds that are given to DV during October we know that so much more is needed.
We share “our” month with another epidemic, breast cancer. While both are “women’s” issues it seems it is so much easier to support breast cancer because we never hear anyone question what someone did to get breast cancer like we constantly hear the victim blaming about DV- “Why did she stay?” “What did she do?” “I would never allow myself to be in that situation.” We see pink everywhere- on athletes, news anchors, cars, badges, and sidelines yet we rarely see purple.
The numbers keep fluctuating, but there is never a minute, much less an hour or a day that goes by, that there is not some type of domestic violence incident. We keep hearing the numbers are up, the numbers are down but does it really matter? Even one incident is too much. Everyone deserves to live in a home free from not just physical violence but emotional, reproductive, and financial abuse as well. Children deserve to have a safe place to lie down their head at night without waking up to shouts, thumps, and bumps in the night. We need to stop the victim blaming. We need to hold those who cause harm accountable. So many more resources are needed for both the victims and those who cause the harm. Affordable housing, affordable childcare, employment, and a living wage for all.
While the month of October exhausts us with all the events and remembrances just imagine the fear and exhaustion a victim lives with constantly. Let’s be there for them, let’s stop blaming them. A DV survivor is the strongest person I know because they are doing or have done everything than can to survive. So, let’s celebrate their survival and honor those we have lost. Let’s continue to do that 24/7/365 until we can eradicate this horrible pandemic.
