Healthy Relationships

As we wrap-up Teen Dating Violence Month, how can we really have conversations about Domestic Violence without talking about Healthy Relationships? A consistent finding from the Harris County Adult Violent Death Review Team is that so many people do not realize they are in an abusive relationship because they have never observed a healthy one. As a result of this, we should all change the way we present DV 101 trainings, we should start with the dynamics of healthy relationships. I think the best description of a healthy relationship comes from the National Domestic Violence Hotline (The Hotline). I try to incorporate their information into all my trainings. A healthy relationship should allow both people to feel supported and loved but still maintain their independence. According to the Hotline, the two components of a healthy relationship are communication and boundaries. Communication means both partners can express their thoughts and opinions without fear. They treat each other with respect in discussions, they feel heard without being criticized, and they listen to each other. They also celebrate each other’s successes and accomplishments while supporting each other through disappointments and losses. Boundaries are important to establish at the beginning of every relationship. Each person should express to their partner what they are comfortable with or not comfortable with when it comes to sex, finances, family, friends, and personal space. In a healthy relationship, it is important for each partner to be able to spend time with family and friends without having to constantly check-in with the other. They do not abuse technology to track the other person or put pressure on their partner to do things they do not want to do. They also do not constantly accuse each other of being unfaithful they trust the other. While even healthy relationships can have conflict, it is should be resolved in supportive ways. Find the real issue, on occasion arguments erupt over things that have been brewing for a while. Try to get to the heart of the matter, if possible, compromise to find a middle ground that you both can agree on. Sometimes it is okay to agree to disagree. If the relationship has constant conflict that cannot be resolved in a healthy way, maybe it is not the right relationship for either of you. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to walk away before it escalates into an abusive situation. Both of you deserve a healthy relationship without continuous conflict.